Children rarely say “I’m struggling.” More often, they show it — through outbursts, withdrawal, clinginess, sleep problems, or a sudden reluctance to go to school. As adults, we can find this confusing or even frustrating. But these behaviours are a form of communication, and learning to read them can make a profound difference.

As a child and adolescent psychotherapist working in Bloomsbury, central London, I spend a lot of time helping parents make sense of what their child is expressing — not through words, but through behaviour, play and the texture of everyday interactions.

Behaviour is always meaningful A child who suddenly refuses to go to school is not simply being difficult. A toddler with repeated sleep problems is not trying to exhaust you. A teenager who withdraws into their room may not be able to articulate — or even consciously know — what they are feeling. The behaviour is the message.

This is one of the central ideas in psychoanalytic thinking: that much of our emotional life operates below the surface of conscious awareness. Children in particular are still developing the capacity to put feelings into words, so they express them in other ways — through their bodies, through play, through how they relate to the people around them.

What parents can do You don’t need to be a therapist to tune in to your child’s emotional world. Some simple practices can make a real difference:

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• Create space for feelings — rather than rushing to reassure or fix, try sitting with your child in whatever they are feeling. “That sounds really hard” can be more helpful than “I’m sure it will be fine.”
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• Notice patterns — does your child tend to struggle at particular times? Before school? After seeing the other parent? These patterns often carry meaning.
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• Follow their play — for younger children especially, play is how they process experience. A child repeatedly acting out a scene of abandonment or conflict may be working something through.
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• Take your own feelings seriously — parenting is emotionally demanding, and our own unprocessed feelings can sometimes get in the way of hearing our child’s. A parent consultation — a space to think about your child with a professional — can be enormously useful even without the child being present.
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When to seek support Trust your instincts. If something feels off — if your child seems persistently unhappy, anxious, or unlike themselves — it is always worth seeking an initial conversation with a professional. Early support is almost always more effective than waiting, and an assessment does not commit you to anything.

If you are based in London and would like to discuss whether therapy might help your child or family, I offer an initial consultation at my practice in Bloomsbury, or online.

Dr Elise Riley is a psychotherapist who works with children and young people up to the age of 25, as well as parents and couples. Sessions are available in English and French. www.eliserileytherapy.com